Soylent Brown*

Editor

Editor@TheIndependentDaily.com

Or, How To Render Human Flesh Into a Liquid Suitable

as a Motor Vehicle Fuel

I’m certain that by now waging costly wars in order to secure Oil rights from defeated countries must be ponderous to the Joint Venture (JV) running this country (i.e. the country formerly known as the United States of America).

Between Iraq and Afghanistan the human cost has exceeded 6,000 good, clean, Christian American lives, while the financial end - the truly troubling issue to our “government” -  totals trillions of dollars.  Now, President Obama, who of course ought to be far less trigger-happy than his addlepated predecessor, GWB, and had vowed to be so during his first campaign, has linked us up with Nigeria in a contrived war against Mali’s insurgents. (Read, Nigeria: More Dead Children, below.)

In this version of the game, Oil Wars, V3.3, we will no longer risk the lives of good Christian men or women of any ethnicity or sexual preference, instead employing the same technology currently used to overfly and monitor good Christian Americans: Drones, or Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAV) to be precise. (One may think that the drones overhead here in America are not armed with Hellfire missiles…but sadly, they are.)

These drones are “flown” by predominantly youthful pilots who sit at computer consoles in Nevada, California, New Mexico, and elsewhere in the United States far away from their human targets. These are the same geeky, self-centered, socially-inept people whom you or your children knew in college or high school who had no regard for their siblings, parents, or classmates and were perfectly content to sit in front of their computers for hours on-end wanking-off to porn and playing blood-drenched simulated contests of violence. Our Department of Defense loves these mindless, ultra-desensitized little bastards.

They don’t deploy to Europe, nor do they drink at the local watering holes of quaint villages outside Marseille while desperately trying to bang the local talent after swarthily confessing their fear of death’s icy hand on their shoulders. “I may be dead tomorrow, mademoiselle…please take pity on me.”

Distant of spirit and geography, and thus removed from danger, they play video games that kill: Mercilessly, without apprehension, suddenly and completely, those who happen to be anywhere within blast proximity of a target. Our government thinks that’s wonderful. You may, too. Hell is probably bubbling over with people who feel exactly that way.

President Obama, who has more kills on record than even George Bush, loves this technology. The New York Times thinks that’s OK, too, saying that Mr. Obama, “A student of writings on war by Augustine and Thomas Aquinas, Mr. Obama believes that he should take moral responsibility for such actions.” You can read the entire article here.

Ironically, the editor is also a student of Thomas Aquinas being a graduate of a Jesuit university. In fact for many of us back then, diversionary reading consisted of pawing through the many pages and profundities within the Summa Theologica, and Aquinas’ other writings. It is from the Theologica that we find, “Wherefore he who does not remove something whence homicide results whereas he ought to remove it, is in a sense guilty of voluntary homicide.” There is no other spin Obama may put to those words: He is a murderer by Aquinas’ clear summation.

As an aside, these new-age “pilots” are now eligible to receive the Distinguished Warfare Medal, awarded solely to U.S. service members involved in unmanned aerial drone and cyber warfare operations. Read more here. America’s many and often somewhat seedy VFW posts have made a special concession, as well, permitting Drone Pilots who have remotely killed on foreign soil to Live Chat with those who have actually experienced combat. The Drone Pilot is permitted to drink a beer while chatting at his or her computer. Off-color jokes about homosexuals and minorities are, of course, encouraged.

Even this protracted and protected form of war is not without its costs: They are, however, purely financial, thus adding only to the pump price of every gallon of refined crude oil taken into custody as a result, while not to the roster of dead at Arlington Cemetery.

However, once the economy begins to collapse again, as it surely will given the fiscal folly of late and notwithstanding the temporary Bull Market, which isn’t if one applies only an inflationary adjustment, this increasing per-gallon cost will become unacceptable to the gasoline-burning public and to our government, as the American Motorist, just as he did in 2007 and 2008, is unable to pay both mortgage and cost of fuel. Think we’re on stable fiscal ground? Then you may not understand the consequences of the Federal Reserve’s actions as of late stockpiling more than 3 trillion USD in bond purchases from newly printed money...there’s a consequence to such silliness. For more, read the Bloomberg’s report, here. Or, for a more complete analysis, Business Insider, here.

Then, once again mortgages will go into default on a grand scale; businesses will layoff vast numbers of workers, more so than they are today; our Banking industry will once more collapse, being propped up momentarily by America’s taxpaying public; GM will get another hefty handout for defying logic and continuing to sell fossil fuel burning vehicles; the Dow will dump; Congress will continue to stuff themselves on self-serving legislation directed to rewarding the incompetent and disregarding the obvious…

…and you’ll know it’s over when Homeland Security takes its first Drone shot at

an American citizen here on US soil,

and that is an inevitable consequence of our government’s current disregard for human life.

As a reminder, the US Government has outlined the conditions under which US citizens may be extrajudicially executed by Drone-fire on foreign soil: Read the BBC’s report here.

Then again, our friends at DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or, Dr. Strangelove, Inc., continue to plan new and exciting ways to propagate Drone usage throughout the world, the end result of which will be an international network of US surveillance and certain death.

So, to short-cut the process and to save many of the companies who now direct and control the former United States a lot of money, we consulted with Dr. Frederic Zeitgeist, a noted chemist. Dr. Zeitgeist assures us that, in fact, the human body can be rendered-down to a combustible fuel.

Famously, he tells us, Albert Einstein’s E=MC2 makes it very clear that the energy present within all organic forms is proportionately far and away greater than their apparent or seemingly inconsequential mass. A raisin, as an example, contains enough potential energy to fuel the electrical needs of the city of Manhattan for one full day, while Michael Bloomberg is of sufficient enough bulk to propel the city for one year, and he’s Kosher.

Dr. Zeitgeist believes that those of Islamic or Muslim background are best suited for what he calls the process of Homo-Reduction, which has nothing to do with lessening the Gay population through Hetero-Therapy. Homo-Reduction, or simply, HR, is a non-energy consuming process that, through the staged use of benzene and toluene will reduce the human body to a combustible substance with a Lower Explosive Limit (LEL) exactly the same as refined petroleum, or gasoline as we call it (“Petrol” according to the Nancies in England).

Dr. Zeitgeist theorizes that the average Muslim woman, man, or larger child can be so processed resulting in a combustible liquid equivalent to about one barrel of market-ready gasoline. The opportunities are thus endless: Presently, our government must, 1) Contrive an acceptable war scenario and successfully sell the idea to the average American, who is too preoccupied with Gun Control to care, 2) Launch an aggressive invasion through either drones and/or ground and air forces, 3) Police up the dead, and dispose of the bodies so that no one notices the kill-rate for women and children, 4) Secure the oil fields, 5) Bid them out in a contrived free-market auction as we did in Iraq, 6) Lift crude oil from the secured wells, 7) Process crude for export, 8) Permit members of the JV running this country to gouge the American consumer with inflated prices and contrived scarcity.

In the improved version the Downstream side (distribution) is far more efficient: Following Step 3, above, the dead Children, Women and Men are merely cooked-down following Dr. Zeitgeist’s process and immediately shipped back to the States for use as motor vehicle fuel.

Of course, the same process could be used in Venezuela now that Hugo Chavez is gone, may he rest in peace: That is what we were waiting for. Already the US is insinuating itself into the successorship of the country - our government didn’t waste a moment. And, what do we want?

We want a far more Capitalist-leaning leadership who isn’t hell-bent on returning the country’s resources to its citizens, uplifting them from poverty. We want Exxon-Mobil and ConocoPhilips back in there running things.

And, if Obama and his Oil Lords don’t get what they want, my guess is that the spicy Venezuelan diet has nourished a populace that would lend itself to a much higher Octane rating very suitable for NASCAR.

* For the unaware, Soylent Green was a very popular film from 1973 in which excess population was rendered into a food product, Soylent Green wafers, originally named for the color lent it by its primary ingredient, seaweed. The film starred Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson. (-Ed. Thanks for the reminder, Jack.)