Très Mal Mali

Warren-Hill

@WarrenHillFilms

There are about 7 million Muslims living in France. There are about 14 million living in Mali, representing about 95% of the overall Malian population. A very small fraction (less than an estimated 10%) fall into the category of Muslim Fundamentalist (and fewer still might be termed, Extremist), and that, the French say, is why they are there, or more appropriately, “Nous sommes là.”

Mali (previously named otherwise) was a French territory under Imperialist control since about 1880. From 1960 onward, up until today when the French government announced its decision to exercise their God-given right to invade whomever they wish without consideration (just like us), Mali led a fairly autonomous existence of self-governance, popular elections, and was free of direct influence by its former slave-master, France.

The stated fear (You lie and I’ll swear to it) is that Muslim Fundamentalism will find its way into Europe’s very own backyard, via western Africa out of a land-locked country, over thousands of miles of the harshest and most unforgiving desert anywhere in the world, to emerge secretly from a tunnel under the Louvre where they will buy over-priced lattés, smoke cigarettes, and strategize on how best to take over France, presuming that the 7 million Muslims currently living in France are ignorant of the tenets of Fundamentalism, and out of this ignorance have hitherto remained a docile facet of the French population.

Thus the French must act quickly and decisively, before these little towel-wrapped heads pop-up out of the tunnel and begin their mischief. Très vite as a matter of fact.

Contrary to what the more skeptical observer may say, it has nothing to do with the vast reserves of Gold within Mali’s borders. France has no interest at all in these reserves since their initial discovery a few years ago. (“Merde! Do you mean zee Mali has zee gold? Mon dieu!” -F. Hollande)

Just as we Americans weren’t interested in the vast oil reserves in Iraq, which went on the auction block to Shell, Exxon-Mobil and so on, immediately after the liberation of the Iraqi people, the principle French interest is in sating their unquenchable thirst for African tribal-made varietal wines such as, Chateau Wildebeest, Orangutan Haute Populaire, and Kitako Springs Cellars.

Here’s the truth of it: President Hollande, having never been one to confuse Socialism with peaceful co-existence, has thoroughly bought into the popular Global Terrorism theme in an effort to cloak his actions and bolster France’s financial strength in the European Union. France, like Greece, Italy, Spain, and all but Germany, is near bust since the international market for over-priced wine and bad cheese has collapsed. What better way to subvent a bloated, archaic social system than by opening a can of Imperialistic Le Whoop-Ass on a small, resource-rich country of ignorant Muslim savages, n'est-ce pas?

Le Whoop-Ass

Un Produit de France

In the whole of Africa, Mali’s Gold production ranks third. In Iraq, the West Qurna and Majnoon oil fields were our primary targets: Two of the most vast oil reserves in the world, second only to Saudi Arabia.

So, President Hollande, as we say in America when we smell le bullshit, “Enculé vous.”  (And that goes double pour moi  -ed.)